What a PG to PG 13 story I'm about to tell!!!!!

This story is about Erin's friend's Grandma. Let me be clear, I don't know her but if she is anything like the grandmas that I know she is sweet, kind and smells like snickerdoodles. And swears like a petite sailor.
OK, so here we go. This fine lady when she was young bought a pair of polyester pants that she just loved. And like most of our grandparents she has a hard time throwing stuff away. Either way she really liked them. I like to think that they were are green with a floral patern. Anyway, over time the elastic on the waistband of her fun jeans began to wear out. Eventually it just didn't do it's job anymore. So to fix it she sowed a rope into it that she could tie and still maintain the use of her favorite pants. Like me and my sweatshorts from junior high. Grandma got older, til she was in her 80's and was still wearing the jeans. Her daughter came by one day and told her that it was time to go and buy a new pair. Grandma said "no way!!!" So they compromised that they would buy some new elastic to put around the waist. To do this they had to measure her waist. So when she lifted up her shirt her daughter realized that her mom had stopped wearing a bra and was tucking her boobs into her pants! Can't wait til we are all there.

I'm feeling smart....

Hey everyone, I usually don't do this, well unless you spend more than five consecutive minutes with me, but I want to brag. And for once it's not about my looks or my bugle collection. It's about my grades. For the first time in my life I got a 4.0. I can't believe that I had to wait until my first semester in Grad School to get it. Go figure. That is really all that I have. So congrats to me and congrats to all of you! We all should feel special. I've just proved to myself that I am in fact certifiably, judged by others special.

Primary update

I spent around 20 minutes distracting one of the more "energetic" kids by playing rock, paper, scissors. I did in fact play for 20 straight minutes. It was great. This kid is creative, I love him. He just can't sit still. Which he admitted to me in tears.
Just so you know for the next you play
1. Hurricane loses to volcano
2. Million missiles will beat bottomless pit
3. His rock can crush through any paper, including bond paper.
4. Mom beats everything.
5. and most important is that you have to know how to use your hands to make a simile of these items. It's not always easy and sometimes makes your hands hurt afterward. But when you get a 5 year old kid to admit you beat him...well that makes it all worth it.
for the record I have won 3 times to his 79.
Not much else of interest is going on. I continue to kick butt in school. Erin's boss, who is a psycologist, continues to tell her that she "just has to become a therapist, she is too gifted not too." I will take the credit for this. My multiple problems give her an endless source of practice and different diagnosis to work with.

Primary

Oh how I'm not sure how I feel about primary. Me and Erin teach the 5 and 6 year olds. Actually it's not that much different from the single's ward Elders quorom. A couple of stories
1. We were playing a game, the prize being a 99 cent bag of fire cheetos. The game was guess the temprature outside. We wrote all the guesses on the board and then called time and temp. Yes I know I'm not the best primary teacher. Any way right when I announced the winner one of the kids yelled "What? I'm not the winner!" and bolted from the door only to be found by his mother and returned. He was so fast... and so furious!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. As we know Jesus was sold out by Judas for 30 pieces of silver. During sharing time a teacher was doing an object lesson and had brought "30 pieces of silver." When she was about to explain what they represented a kid yelled. "I would do anything for 30 pieces of silver!!!"
The youth really are the future.

This man a TIGER!!!!!!!

This morning around 10:00 I was in my room doing some school work when our "developmentally challenged" dog Charlie started barking like crazy. It soon started to drive me crazy. I thought that there was another dog in the front yard and it was bugging him. This kept going for what seemed like 10 minutes. Then, to my astonishment, I heard the front door open. I couldn't believe that I actually heard it. We live in a big house and it makes all sorts of crazy noises. (side note, chances this place is haunted or being used as a place to sleep for a homeless guy is around 87%) So now I'm a little alarmed. All I could think was that maybe Jake or some other friend/family member had come home and Charlie had forgot to stop barking. It's happened in the past. But all Charlie did was increase his bark in frequency and intensity. That is when I heard foot steps up above me!!! I couldn't believe it. So not thinking and only reacting, like all great action heroes, I grabbed my big Bowie knife and ran up the stairs. I got to the middle floor, turned around, and sure enough there is man standing in my home!! I pointed my knife right at him I yelled, in a voice that would have made Zeus tremble, "What the $%^&%!!! are you doing in my home!!! Upon further review I think the lines, "time to take out the trash," or "you're the disease...AND I'M THE CURE!" would have been much more awesome. Couldn't help it I was truly shocked. About then I grabbed Charlie right as he was lunging at the guy. He started to mumble something about being in the wrong house and that he was looking for the Brahmhalls, our neighbor. I told him, "I think you need to leave." I know I once again could have said something way better like, "Get busy leaving or get busy dying!!" Oh, well I'll save those for next time. Any way he took off. I waited for around half an hour and called our neighbors. That's when I found out that he had just entered the wrong house and was scared out of his mind!! On a self indulgent side note I hope he wet himself just a little. My neighbor explained that he had gotten lost and they told him some bad directions. They also told him that when he arrived he should just walk in. All joking aside, how lucky we were that he didn't surprise me by the stairs. Hate to think that I would have stabbed him. On a lighter note. He is also lucky it wasn't Jake he found there, cause that WOULD have been a stabbing.
Now he knows when you enter this tiger's lair, you're going to get bit!!
PS I'm a bangle tiger due to our similar coloring.