Pregnancy Wisdom

WARNING: This post is un-edited and has all kinds of pregnancy details that made be hard for some to read.

I am doing this post mostly for my great cousin Emily because she begged me to know the details of this pregnancy. First I will tell the story of how we found out.

I was late. By two days. I just had this feeling, you know. Actually we went to the temple that night and well… I just had a feeling.
So went to Rite Aid, bought 2 pregnancy tests. The instructions on the test say to wait until you haven’t pee’d for at least 4 hours to take the test, and that it is best taken in the morning. Well, for those of you who know me, I NEVER can go four hours between potty breaks. SO that night I went to bed and tried as hard as I could to not give in and go to the bathroom.

About 4:00 in the morning I couldn’t handle it anymore. I woke Spencer up and informed him that I couldn’t hold it in any longer, and that I was going to take the test. He tried to stop me by saying that no matter the answer on the test, we wouldn’t be going back to sleep. I knew he was right but I just couldn’t hold it (you girls know what I’m talking about). SO I took the test and it was positive! Very excited I tried to go back to sleep, I drifted in and out for a while. Then it was time to go to work! I had decided we were going to keep it a secret as long as possible, what I didn’t count on was being HORRIBLY SICK. My co-workers were the first to know, since I had to throw up about every half hour. How could I hide this all day everyday? We told both our parents in creative ways a little while later so that was fun!

Here are some things I have learned about pregnancy ALL through experience:

-Pregnancy is HARDER than you think (boys)
-Pregnancy will make you laugh and cry hysterically at the same time – for no reason
-Your ability to smell will resemble that of a trained police dog – I can’t do dishes, I can’t smell the fridge or the pantry or any garbage can. I can’t cook, or smell the hallways in our building, basically I can’t smell ANYTHING, or I will start to dry heave.
-I CAN tell what Spencer ate for lunch when he gets home at night. A new skill..
-I have learned how to build a fortress of pillows so that I can’t smell Spencer at night. I have the perfect placement for the candle warmer, on the nightstand, right by my head. I know- its sad really
-I have to eat constantly. If I get hungry AT ALL, I will throw up, and it’s the worst when all you throw up is stomach acid. Eh.
-No matter how much I eat, I don’t gain weight, which is actually kind of nice. But I am pretty sure the food has to be going somewhere.
I even have to wake up in the middle of the night to eat. Or…. You guessed it, I will puke.
-**GRAPHIC** I have learned that you can puke while going to the bathroom. Unfortunately you can’t flush the bath tub.
-Bleach is the only thing that can make things smell right.
-A pregnant women’s digestive system can’t be normal. It either has too much coming out or too little. Neither of which are good.
-I learned of Spencer’s bravery when he went to the store to buy me stool softener and prune juice. Cashier must have felt so sorry for him.
-People will give you pregnancy advice whether you want it or not. And most of it is hilarious.
-Most people that you know will tell you “my pregnancies were so easy”, or “I never threw up once”, or “I feel better when I’m pregnant than when I’m not” and it will take every ounce of self control that you have not to take them down right there.
-People tell you that you have a “pregnancy glow” which I have discovered to mean that you have the acne of a 15 year old boy.
-Your hair is thicker and more healthy when you are pregnant. But who is going to do their hair when they are throwing up 10 times a day?? Not me…

Don’t get me wrong. I AM excited to be a mother, BUT pregnancy is truly harder than people think. I am trying to keep the right perspective on this whole thing… any advice anyone has would be great (Note: However, I would not appreciate comments about how easy your pregnancies are, refer to bullet #14 above.)